I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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