The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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