Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
