Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
