? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
