Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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