i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
