She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize