You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
