Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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