But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
