i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
