Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
