my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
