I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
