I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Girls should come with a carfax report
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize