i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
