No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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