What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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