So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize