It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
