I'm lost and stupid without you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
