garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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