Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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