Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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