we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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