Small penises have feelings too.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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