So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
