Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
