she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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