I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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