you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
pray to the hookup gods
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
