I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
