no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
