I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
