What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
