when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
