I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
