Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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