Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
