At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
