Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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