If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
