You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
