i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
