My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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