I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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