I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
