i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
