Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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