youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My vagina is officially offended.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
