Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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