Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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