I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
