The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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