Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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