The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
