yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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