STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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