I'm jealous of your bromance
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
