Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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