Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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