Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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