Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
