I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
