so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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