so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
