her vagine was all disorganized.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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