this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
