Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
